An interesting trend has hit our South Austin neighborhood. Seems that some super-wealthy, eccentric, and very GREEN old geezer has been buying up one big, boxy mega-mansion after another, as fast as they can build ‘em. You know the mansions I’m talking about: the massive, shiny cubes that have been replacing modest old bungalows. They scrape the bungalow off the land as easily and carelessly as if they were flicking a cockroach off a kitchen counter. They scrape the plants and the soil and everything away, leaving bare ground. You can’t even call it “soil” – every microbe that gave it life has been scraped away along with the offending old house. Then, over the course of a few weeks, a huge steel-and-concrete box, which extends right up to the edges of the lot, goes up. The gleaming structure could adorn the cover of Tres Chic Moderne Architecture Journal. And given the target market, the utter lack of space for declasse’ activities such as growing vegetables, sitting outdoors with the family, and so on is not seen as a problem. The ratty old bungalow occupied by some family of modest means has been replaced by a property-tax-revenue-generating palace for one post-industrial mogul and his wife, and maybe an obscenely large dog or two.

Well, enter this eccentric Grandpa Moneybags, who has started buying up these concrete megamansions and then – are you ready for this? – demolishing them. Sometimes he puts up a little cottage in their place, but the past four lots he’s purchased, he’s left the lot free of all manmade structures save for a garden shed. The rest of the lot is occupied by a food garden. As you can imagine, the old Austin neighbors are delighted, while the yuppie arriviste neighbors are up in arms about property values. Well, at least they’re up in arms until the old man visits them with a luscious home-grown tomato or a bunch of tangy arugula. The fresh veggies lure them over to the dark side.

And, in the latest twist, some of the occupants of neighboring mega-mansions have been spotted tearing down parts of their houses to make room for gardens.

Local scroungers have been delighted by the infusion of practically-new building materials that have begun appearing at curbs alongside the trash and recycling.

Naturally the city is worried about how the decline in property values will affect its property-tax revenue. But since the mayor himself has hoisted the banner of making Austin the #1 city in terms of conquering global warming, it doesn’t really look good for city officials to be seen speaking out against making more room for gardens. So lately, they haven’t been speaking out against it. Lately, they just shut up and savor the wagonloads of fresh-grown veggies that somehow find their way to City Hall.

If you’re thinking, “This is major news! Why haven’t I heard about it?” … Well, that’s because I just made it up. Sorry! But anything the human mind can imagine, we can create. So let’s get busy!